1. Snatching a friend or relation’s man: All is fair in
love and war! Rumour has it that women have
resorted to locking their phones, hiding their men and
coding their gist from so-called friends cos it’s a
jungle out there…
2. Re-inventing themselves: Pretence is the order of
the day. No man wants to tame the shrew or teach
the inexperienced or make an honest woman out of a
dishonest one so once marriage is desired, women
package themselves in pseudo, ready-made, easy-to-
use, highly desirable packages. After marriage, what
you see is what you get! #stepfordwifemode
3. Trapping him with pregnancy: This used to be the
old school method of getting a man to propose. From
skipping the pill to seducing the man or getting him
drunk when she was ovulating, a woman usually
knew she had the man where she wanted him once
she missed her period even if there was no
commitment. Now the guys are saying YES to baby
mamas and YES to child support. Are the girls
deterred? NO! The girls have stepped up their game by
involving the parents and you know parents don’t like
scandals…
4. Praying&Fasting:This would presumably be an
honourable means of obtaining a husband but
sometimes the prayers are offered up to deities other
than God& other times it becomes a song permanently
on repeat…
5. Taking his photograph to Cele church for a
prophetess to pray over or a powerful Alfa. Heard it
works like a charm…
6. Taking his sperm, hair or personal effects to Baba.
Guys disposing of your condoms yourself is not such
a bad idea…
7. Outright Jazz! My friends recently gisted me ’bout
how a tied up, live pigeon had been discovered in a
friend’s sister-in-law’s box. The woman confessed to
using jazz and said she hadn’t been sure if the guy
would actually propose so she took the necessary
precaution…
8. Putting love potion in his food! This is classic and
timeless but shouldn’t it be called a ‘compelling’
potion? Because in this case, love na by force!
9. Saying YES to a man you despise! A woman has
two classes of men usually on her case. The ‘correct’
guys and the ‘disgos’. The disgos usually end up as
magas or rebounds but many a woman has shocked
a despondent toaster with a sudden ‘Yes’ and men
have agreed that truly there is nothing God cannot do!
10. Proposing to a guy! Yes it does happen… (Who
wears the engagement ring?)
11. Toasting a man’s family so they make the
decision for him! A friend complained that a girl he
detested had over the months gotten close to his
family. Lavishing on them, cooking for them and
basically being their ‘go-to’ girl and now his mum
had put her foot down that he had to break up with
his girlfriend and marry little-miss-went-home-to-
mama depending on how much power the family
wields, their word may be final…
12. Asking daddy to get you a husband! If daddy’s a
big shot, arranging a husband for you is usually as
easy as pie and some men would sell their souls for a
large chunk of daddy’s money so both parties are
happy…
13. Being your man’s maga! Some women believe that
when you finally get a man to be interested in you,
spoiling him and overlooking his every fault would get
you into a white gown faster than an okada chased
by LASTMA! Some men don’t mind a woman who
houses them, clothes them, feeds them, gives ‘em
pocket money, never gets upset with them even when
they misbehave and cleans up after them with little or
no contribution from them… Living the dream???
14. Giving him unlimited freedom as long as he
proposes: “Tell me I’m number one baby, tell me I’m
the future mother of your kids and not Amina, Bisi or
Ngozi!” Women used to wanna be the one AND ONLY
in their man’s life, now being the number one is good
enough…
15. Polishing up a low class, barely educated brother
in exchange for a ring! The deal is simple, you send
your cleaner, gateman or driver to night school, you
give him language lessons, you take him to buy some
new clothes and deodorant and teach him to call you
honey instead of madam and in exchange, he gets to
marry you, share an expensive bedroom and never
worry about his bills ever again!
16. Revamping yourself: Change your ward-robe, lose
20kg, buy a truckload of brazilian hair, study the
karma-sutra, do a vaginoplasty and change the age
on your birth-certificate to read 22. Botox, plastic
surgery, a compulsory gym membership and ‘body
magic’ also indicated!
17. Becoming a worker in church! Rumour has it that
men go to church to marry, the same rumour also
reveals that ‘Greeters’, ‘Ushers’ and ‘Lead Soloists’
have the best exposure…praise the Lord!
18. Moving to a new town or part of town so that you
are the ‘new girl’. This always peaks the men’s
interest and at the same time you get to run away
from your past and the ‘old maid’ labels! Combine
this with number 16 above and ooh la la!
Tired of waiting for your dream man? Tired of
changing boyfriends like underwear? Tired of begging
God to upgrade you? Tired of waiting for your
boyfriend to propose? Tired of all the heartbreaks and
betrayal? Tired of men chopping you for free? Tire no
more… Statistics show that only 3% of single women
of marriageable age in Nigeria are undisturbed by
their lack of a spouse! The other 97% would do just
about anything to become Mrs somebody.
And when I say anything, I mean it…
Here are 21
unorthodox things ‘classy’ Nigerian women have done
in their quest to bag a husband! Some are bizzare,
some are skanky and some are downright sad…but if
you’re willing to try anything and getting a husband
is the only activity left on your bucket list, you might
wanna try a few! (Men beware) #Not for the
fainthearted…
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