Award-winning actress and one of the TIME 100
most influential persons, Omotola Jalade Ekeinde
and her husband share their love story in a frank
interview with Punch. Below is a brief excerpt:
What was the initial attraction?
Matthew: She was beautiful, fresh and untouched. I
decided to start with someone who hadn’t seen the
world yet.
When did you propose to her?
Matthew: We didn’t court. I met her when she was 16
and I was 26. We got married when she was 18. She
clocked 36 recently. We were family friends and I met
her through my elder sister. She used to come around
the house and when she turned 18, I decided she
was ripe. I told her I would marry her and she didn’t
believe. I went to tell her late mother, who said I
should wait till after four years because Tola had just
gained admission to the university then. I told the
mother that I couldn’t wait because I didn’t trust the
guys in the university.
How can a woman have a successful marriage?
Omotola: I don’t believe in gender equality. I do not
believe that God made man and woman to be equal
in any way. I believe that in every organised
institution, there is always a head and an assistant.
It doesn’t mean that one should take the other for
granted, or disrespect the other. I believe the husband
is the head of the home and the wife is an
assistant...
My husband is a pilot, I have flown with him several
times and I understood that there is a captain and a
co-pilot. They are both responsible for the
passengers’ lives. But when there is a final decision
to make, it is up to the captain to make it. He is more
experienced and the one with the responsibility. But
any mature captain will not ignore his co-pilot
because the co-pilot is not a cabin attendant. He is
there for a reason. It just depends on how you
understand and play your roles.
I believe women should understand this. When a
woman starts a struggle for power tussle with him, it
tends to cause friction in the home. The woman
should give the man the respect as the head of the
home and also prove herself as a worthy co-pilot. He
needs to see you as a reliable co-pilot . Sometimes, he
may not be the one running the house day-to-day,
you are the one to take decisions but you have to do
it in such a manner that he is comfortable enough to
see you as someone he can rely on. When you have a
proud and egocentric husband, hand him over to
God. If you feel like your life is being threatened, or
that of your children, get yourself out of that
situation. You owe your children that. Try separation
for a while, but before that, you must have tried other
things. I do not believe that people should throw in
the towel in their marriage at every flimsy excuse. You
must have been a diligent wife and tried prayers and
intervention. If all those fail, then you can remove
yourself from that situation. Also, couples should be
friends and communicate. What we call love
sometimes fizzles out. True love comes from
friendship. When you don’t feel those initial sparks,
friendship is what keeps you together, until when the
spark comes again.
How do you feel when she plays romantic roles in
movies?
Matthew: They are all make-believe. They are not real
and most of her movies are pecks and not kisses. I
told her not to cross that boundary.
What are the secrets of your successful marriage?
Matthew: It is God’s grace. We are disciplined and
prayerful.
Omotola: It has to be God. There is no other strategy.
One person can be perfect and the second person
can be nasty. On our part, I’d say also that we don’t
look at the relationship as something we can walk
away from. We look at it as a life commitment. When
you parents upset you, you cannot divorce them.
Even the bible says you will leave your father and
your mother and cleave to your spouse. Luckily, he
doesn’t drink or smoke or abuse me. I don’t have any
major thing to complain about, and I hope it is the
same thing for him.
Do you quarrel?
Matthew: Yes we do. A lot. She is very argumentative.
She always wants to be right. You can never win an
argument with her. But she is the first to apologise.
Omotola: When there is a quarrel, I usually apologise
first. He doesn’t say sorry. Overtime, I have come to
realise that it is an ego problem. Even when he knows
he is wrong, he will rather do every other thing or buy
things for me than say, ‘I’m sorry.’ Fortunately, the
‘sorrys’ are not too many. He is very responsible and
more hardworking than me. By God’s grace, we have
been able to understand our routine.
Do you still have time to cook?
Omotola: I cook all the time. I love to cook. I don’t go
to the market but I do the cooking.
You go to the market for her?
Matthew: Yes and I don’t feel bad doing it. I am not
just doing it for her; I do it for the family. I enjoy it a
lot and I have been doing it since we got married.
What pet names do you call each other?
Matthew: I call her Omosexy.
Omotola: I call him Honey Boy
Do you see this love lasting forever?
Omotola: Yes, though I’m not playing God, I believe
our love shall be forever.
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