The rate of divorce keeps increasing by the day. In the Holy Qur’an
and in the Bible, adultery is a terrible sin but today many marriages
are being affected by this unholy act.
Mr. Ibrahim Daniel and Helen Daniel got married under the native
custom of northern Nigeria in 2010. But it is sad to note that their
marriage did not last because two years later, the couple was in court
seeking for the dissolution of their marriage on account of adultery by
the wife, Helen.
It was the husband, Ibrahim Daniel who filed for divorce at the upper
area court, Maraba Gurku in 2012. He is a farmer, while Helen was a
house wife. In his claim, Mr. Ibrahim stated that he was no longer
interested in the marriage because Helen no longer respects him and
that her behavior was causing trouble in the family and with the
neighbors. He also claims that she goes out without his consent and
that she brings men to their matrimonial home. The couple was yet to
have children and so the marriage was dissolved last year.
Research has shown cases of adultery, which is a criminal offence,
were very rare because the spouse of the adulterer would rather just
divorce instead. It was rare for a couple to posit adultery as the
reason for dissolution of the marriage. This is why it was difficult to
find case files under “Adultery”. However, a search through the many
divorce cases showed that most some of them implied that there was
alleged unfaithfulness from one of the spouses. These details usually
come out during the hearing of the divorce cases among couples.
Another case filed at the Upper Area Court, Maraba was labeled
“Enticement of Married Woman”. The details of the case showed that
21-year-old Emmanuel Eze was caught with Dosu Dogo, who is
married to Mr Joseph Dogo, in his room. Knowing that she was
married, Emmanuel was able to entice her into his room and had
carnal knowledge of her, an offense which is punishable under section
389 of the Penal Code laws of Northern Nigeria.
During the hearing of the case, Dosu told the court that she was on
her way to the bathroom on a rainy day in August, when Emmanuel
called her to his room. She entered, thinking that it was something
that will not take time and then Emmanuel began to tell her he
wanted to sleep with her. She told him that she was married but he
did not see that as enough reason to stop his advances to her.
Eventually the deed was done but she refused to leave his room until
much later in the day when her brother found her there. Her reason for
staying back in Emmanuel’s room was so the neighbors will not see
her coming out of the room alone and begin to gossip. The hearing of
the case was adjourned.
Speaking to the sole Judge of the Upper Area court, Maraba Gurku,
Judge V. W. Gwahemba, he noticed that most men do not come to
court to accuse the women of adultery. “In most cases, the men would
give other reasons as grounds for divorcing his wife. It could be that
there is no peace in the home or that the woman was always fighting
the neighbors or that they have problems with their in-laws and so
on. It is rare to find a man that says his wife committed adultery,
although we have also had cases like that here.
I think it is because a man would want to protect his dignity and that
of his wife. But when you look deeply into the matter, you will always
find that there is a third party engineering the trouble in the marriage.
It could be that the wife is fed up or lonely and has found someone
out there that will satisfy her. It could be that the man is having a
mistress outside and wants to chase the wife away in order to bring in
his mistress”.
The judge further revealed that, with the amount of divorce cases that
come before him, he noticed that most marriages tend not to last
beyond five years. ‘Most marriages that are brought here to be
dissolved are very young and it is very sad. People are not patient
enough to go through challenges together. Marriage is not a bed of
roses, so it does not mean that you should just give up when things
are tough. I will advise that couples seek to settle their differences
outside the court and remain together because divorce is a thing that
can negatively affect the society,” he said.
According to section 388 and 389 of the Penal Code Law of Northern
Nigeria, the punishment for adultery clearly states that if the accused
person, female or male respectively, was found guilty of adultery then
they could be sentenced to up to two years with an option of fine
according to the discretion of the presiding judge or he could get both
imprisonment and a fine, also according to the discretion of the
judge. The section 387 also outlined the same punishment for any
man that knowingly entices a woman who is married to another man
into sexual relations with him.
Aisha Abdullahi Gambo, a married woman told LEADERSHIP that as
far as she is concerned, many of those committing adultery would
want someone else to commit adultery with their own wives, their own
children or even their own mothers. Because the man who commits
adultery with any lady must remember that she is someone’s
daughter, sister or also mother.
She admits that her husband sometimes prefers keeping female
friends due to some reasons and particularly because of the kind of
job he is practicing, but he does not bother about sex even at home.
"I understand that’s why I don’t get disturbed hence he is somehow a
religious man."
Aisha further noted that adultery is on the increase among our
societies but the best thing is the fear of Allah. She pointed out the
need for both the men and women to get married if they can hence
Islam has allowed men to marry up to four wives if they can do justice
to all of them. And for the woman’s part, it is just to fear Allah,
uphold their reputation and avoid committing adultery that would put
them to shame both within their hearts, in the society and above all,
the punishment in hell fire.
Noora Imam frowns at adultery, saying “Whoever commits adultery
must pay right here in this world before punishment by Allah since no
religion allows adultery to be committed.
Imam Mohammad Sani, is the Chief Imam of Waff Road Mosque
Forum, Kaduna, he is also the Director of Intervention, Interfaith
Mediation Centre, Kaduna and a renown Islamic Preacher of great
repute.
"Almost everybody knows, especially in Islam and Christianity that
adultery and fornication are illegal and sinful. However, adultery is
increasing for many factors:
(a) Most marriages are contracted based
on lust and beauty instead of good conduct and fear of the Lord.
(b)Some marriages are based on materialism and so when there is no
money, that can give way to adultery by both or one of the couples.
(c) Some marriages are because he or she is from so & so family, and
whenever that linking force is lost the marriage is in shambles.
(d)Some wives or husbands are deprived of sexual satisfaction for
many reasons, one of them is absence of love between them. (e) Some
men are too greedy and poor spiritually and they take to extra marital
affairs. All of the above and many more can be traced to lack of
proper spiritual upbringing, keeping bad company and modern social
media services, sales of pornographic films openly on the streets and
so on," said Chief Imam Sani.
The Scholar, further quotes from the Glorious Qur’an Kareem where
Allah SWT says in Suratul Israa’i Chapter 17, Verse 32, that ” Do not
even go close to where one can be tempted to commit adultery, to
abstain from doing anything that would lead to doing adultery.” And
Chapter 24, Verse 2, Suratul Noor where Allah SWT ordained that if
any Muslim male or female is caught committing adultery, should be
given one hundred lashes, provided there are four witnesses that see
them committing the act practically.
Imam Muhammad Tukur Adam is the Chief Imam of Almunar Friday
Mosque, and also the Head Teacher of Almunar Academy, Kaduna
states that the Prophet of Allah (Sallallahu Alaihissalam) instructs
that one of the first steps the moment a boy and girl from the early
age approaches puberty from the age of ten years, they should be
separated from sleeping in the same room or on the same bed. That
is not allowed in Islam. And also any social contact that would bring
them together such as schools, play grounds, buses, markets places,
etc.
The scholar further frowns at work places in the cases where you will
see a married woman being a secretary to a boss, that may
eventually lead the to committing adultery, or for that are seeking for
jobs can easily be drag, sometimes even voluntarily ready to give her
body just to secure a job.
The current economic hardship in the country today has been
attributed to the high infidelity rate.
According to elder Theodore Tasie of the Believers World Ministry,
inability of some men to adequately cater for their family has led to
sleeping around by their wives.
He argued that since the man who is supposed to be the bread winner
of the family hardly gets his supposed minimum wage salary, the wife
may not stand the sight of her children starving to death and so gets
herself into a lifestyle she never wanted.
He also blamed some men to be the architect of their own woes for
preferring their jobs to their family, maintaining that it leads to
hunger and insatiable sex on the wife.
“What do you expect when you leave your wife to be the sole provider
for the family? You need not complain when she flirts around because
she is gathering firewood for you. To those who hardly have time for
their family, they wake up as early as 5 am and return by 12 midnight
and jump to bed without even asking for their food, you don’t need to
ask such a man to look at the face of his wife because he is already
snoring before he even closes his eyes, and you know , ‘body no be
wood’ as the saying goes and nature you will agree with me abhors
all vacuum, so , if you are not doing it , she have to look for
somewhere to scratch her back” Tasie said.
Mr Blessing Tini, a business man who has been happily married to his
wife for over 15 years shared the same view with Tasie.
"I think finance and insatiable sex is the cause of infidelity in the
world today, but I blame it mostly on finance. Whatever we do, we
need money, the woman in her quest to satisfy her family and herself
goes extra mile as trading herself to get the needed fund to maintain
her family, though in some cases there are some women who have
high libido for sex, such people you cannot satisfy them unless they
look for supplements outside their matrimonial home," Tini explains.
However he believes the secret to a successful marriage is having the
fear of God by both partners, and relating well with one another.
Men are the major culprits in cases of adultery in this part of the
world. The reason being that the African culture being patriarchal
encourages adultery with parents and family members encouraging
the man to marry as many wives as possible. Civilization and religion
are major restraints hampering the explosion of such deadly acts.
The Founder of Christ Fishers of Men Church of All Nation, Apostle
Peter Oloye in his view said that adultery is a sign of the end times as
prophesied in the Holy Bible.
Oloye advised that building the marriage and making Jesus the
foundation of such marriage is the basis of a successful marriage. He
prescribed genuine love between spouses, compassion for each other,
bedrock of respect, a conscious effort to remain attractive to one’s
spouse, fervent prayers in support of the spouse.
He however, warned couples against going into a match-made
marriage as this could lead to grave and severe consequences.
Mrs. Adebusola Ipaye, a jewellery merchant in Lagos said adultery is
on the increase, no doubt but this can be attributed to many factors
such as lack of basic understanding between couples, lack of financial
decency in the home, lack of contentment on the part of the wife, a
lack of sexual satisfaction and marital attention among other things.
Ipaye recommended contentment and true love as the core of a
successful marriage.
A Pastor at Redeemed Christian Church of God, Oluwarotimi
Oluwabukola said after the wedding ceremony, some women do not
make themselves attractive to their husbands any more, focusing all
of their attention on childbearing and rearing, she also highlighted the
lack of tolerance between the couples and ultimately the inability of
many couples to satisfy themselves sexually.
She advised couples to appreciate one another and reflect on their
courtship and dating period and the things that got them attracted to
one another as this would ensure the growth of the marriage. The fear
of God makes marriages grow and endears couples to one another,
she stated.
According to Pastor Moses Adejumo, he drew attention to the lust of
the flesh on the part of the men and immoral dressing on the part of
women. Adejumo however advised that couples must remain
committed to God and their spouses. A man should provide
adequately for his home, love his wife dearly, understand each other
and ensure that both of them are responsible, he said.
Written by Blessing Ukemena, Usman Ahmed, Stanley Uzoaru and
Aronke Olayiwola.
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