1. Snatching a friend or relation’s man. All is
fair in love and war! Rumour has it that
women have resorted to locking their phones,
hiding their men and coding their gist from so-
called friends cos it’s a jungle out there…
2. Re-inventing themselves. Pretence is the
order of the day. No man wants to tame the
shrew or teach the inexperienced or make an
honest woman out of a dishonest one so once
marriage is desired, women package themselves
in pseudo, ready-made, easy-to-use, highly
desirable packages. After marriage, what you
see is what you get!
3. Trapping him with pregnancy. This used to
be the old school method of getting a man to
propose. From skipping the pill to seducing the
man or getting him drunk when she was
ovulating, a woman usually knew she had the
man where she wanted him once she missed her
period even if there was no commitment. Now
the guys are saying YES to baby mamas and
YES to child support. Are the girls deterred?
NO! The girls have stepped up their game by
involving the parents and you know parents
don’t like scandals.
4. Praying&Fasting. This would presumably be
an honourable means of obtaining a husband
but sometimes the prayers are offered up to
deities other than God & other times it becomes
a song permanently on repeat .
5. Taking his photograph to Cele church for a
prophetess to pray over or a powerful Alfa.
Heard it works like a charm.
6. Taking his sperm, hair or personal effects to
Baba. Guys disposing of your condoms yourself
is not such a bad idea…
7. Getting twisted with friends husbands
8. Putting love potion in his food! This is classic
and timeless but shouldn’t it be called a
‘compelling’ potion? Because in this case, love
na by force!
9. Saying YES to a man you despise! A woman
has two classes of men usually on her case. The
‘correct’ guys and the ‘disgos’. The disgos
usually end up as magas or rebounds but many
a woman has shocked a despondent toaster with
a sudden ‘Yes’ and men have agreed that truly
there is nothing God cannot do!
10. Proposing to a guy! Yes it does happen…
(Who wears the engagement ring ?)
11. Toasting a man’s family so they make the
decision for him! A friend complained that a
girl he detested had over the months gotten
close to his family. Lavishing on them, cooking
for them and basically being their ‘go-to’ girl
and now his mum had put her foot down that
he had to break up with his girlfriend and
marry little-miss-went-home-to-mama
depending on how much power the family
wields, their word may be final…
12. Asking daddy to get you a husband! If
daddy’s a big shot, arranging a husband for you
is usually as easy as pie and some men would
sell their souls for a large chunk of daddy’s
money so both parties are happy…
13. Being your man’s maga! Some women
believe that when you finally get a man to be
interested in you, spoiling him and overlooking
his every fault would get you into a white gown
faster than an okada chased by LASTMA! Some
men don’t mind a woman who houses them,
clothes them, feeds them, gives ‘em pocket
money, never gets upset with them even when
they misbehave and cleans up after them with
little or no contribution from them… Living the
dream???
14. Giving him unlimited freedom as long as he
proposes. “Tell me I’m number one baby, tell
me I’m the future mother of your kids and not
Amina, Bisi or Ngozi!” Women used to wanna
be the one AND ONLY in their man’s life, now
being the number one is good enough…
15. Polishing up a low class, barely educated
brother in exchange for a ring! The deal is
simple, you send your cleaner, gateman or
driver to night school, you give him language
lessons, you take him to buy some new clothes
and deodorant and teach him to call you honey
instead of madam and in exchange, he gets to
marry you, share an expensive bedroom and
never worry about his bills ever again!
16. Revamping yourself. Change your ward-
robe, lose 20kg, buy a truckload of brazilian
hair, study the karma-sutra, do a vaginoplasty
and change the age on your birth-certificate to
read 22. Botox, plastic surgery , a
compulsory gym membership and ‘body magic’
also indicated!
17. Becoming a worker in church! Rumour has
it that men go to church to marry, the same
rumour also reveals that ‘Greeters’, ‘Ushers’
and ‘Lead Soloists’ have the best exposure…
praise the Lord!
18. Moving to a new town or part of town so
that you are the ‘new girl’. This always peaks
the men’s interest and at the same time you get
to run away from your past and the ‘old maid’
labels! Combine this with number 16 above and
ooh la la!
19. Going for ‘deliverance’ from a spirit
husband and sowing a big ‘marriage’ seed in
church! Giving your possessions to the poor,
giving a sacrificial offering or just giving one
thing to God that would make you weep…
20. Abandoning your hopes, dreams and
ambitions! I’ve heard people say that women
looking for a prince charming live unrealistic
dreams, virgins are old-school, overly educated
women are proud, rich women are not
submissive, ambitious women are conceited,
women with demanding jobs won’t have time
for their families, women who want a faithful
man are deluded and women who don’t get
pregnant before wedlock have something wrong
with their plumbing! So forsake the masters,
don’t even dream of a PhD, quit your job , give
away all your money and surely a husband will
come… And if all else fails…
21. Marry a married man! He could be your
friend’s husband, your sister’s husband, your
cousin’s husband, your colleague’s husband,
even your mother’s husband if you like! Can
you blame these women? The average guy has
commitment phobia or is out to play till he is
all spent before he settles down or is waiting to
make his first ’5 million’ before saying ‘I do’.
Even a man with no future ambition or class,
much less finances still knows he could have
his pick of the best women out there, once he
announces he is looking to settle! The last
census showed a female-dominated
demographic with more women per eligible
bachelor. Family and society constantly put the
woman in hot water making her personal
successes irrelevant till she bags a man.
fair in love and war! Rumour has it that
women have resorted to locking their phones,
hiding their men and coding their gist from so-
called friends cos it’s a jungle out there…
2. Re-inventing themselves. Pretence is the
order of the day. No man wants to tame the
shrew or teach the inexperienced or make an
honest woman out of a dishonest one so once
marriage is desired, women package themselves
in pseudo, ready-made, easy-to-use, highly
desirable packages. After marriage, what you
see is what you get!
3. Trapping him with pregnancy. This used to
be the old school method of getting a man to
propose. From skipping the pill to seducing the
man or getting him drunk when she was
ovulating, a woman usually knew she had the
man where she wanted him once she missed her
period even if there was no commitment. Now
the guys are saying YES to baby mamas and
YES to child support. Are the girls deterred?
NO! The girls have stepped up their game by
involving the parents and you know parents
don’t like scandals.
4. Praying&Fasting. This would presumably be
an honourable means of obtaining a husband
but sometimes the prayers are offered up to
deities other than God & other times it becomes
a song permanently on repeat .
5. Taking his photograph to Cele church for a
prophetess to pray over or a powerful Alfa.
Heard it works like a charm.
6. Taking his sperm, hair or personal effects to
Baba. Guys disposing of your condoms yourself
is not such a bad idea…
7. Getting twisted with friends husbands
8. Putting love potion in his food! This is classic
and timeless but shouldn’t it be called a
‘compelling’ potion? Because in this case, love
na by force!
9. Saying YES to a man you despise! A woman
has two classes of men usually on her case. The
‘correct’ guys and the ‘disgos’. The disgos
usually end up as magas or rebounds but many
a woman has shocked a despondent toaster with
a sudden ‘Yes’ and men have agreed that truly
there is nothing God cannot do!
10. Proposing to a guy! Yes it does happen…
(Who wears the engagement ring ?)
11. Toasting a man’s family so they make the
decision for him! A friend complained that a
girl he detested had over the months gotten
close to his family. Lavishing on them, cooking
for them and basically being their ‘go-to’ girl
and now his mum had put her foot down that
he had to break up with his girlfriend and
marry little-miss-went-home-to-mama
depending on how much power the family
wields, their word may be final…
12. Asking daddy to get you a husband! If
daddy’s a big shot, arranging a husband for you
is usually as easy as pie and some men would
sell their souls for a large chunk of daddy’s
money so both parties are happy…
13. Being your man’s maga! Some women
believe that when you finally get a man to be
interested in you, spoiling him and overlooking
his every fault would get you into a white gown
faster than an okada chased by LASTMA! Some
men don’t mind a woman who houses them,
clothes them, feeds them, gives ‘em pocket
money, never gets upset with them even when
they misbehave and cleans up after them with
little or no contribution from them… Living the
dream???
14. Giving him unlimited freedom as long as he
proposes. “Tell me I’m number one baby, tell
me I’m the future mother of your kids and not
Amina, Bisi or Ngozi!” Women used to wanna
be the one AND ONLY in their man’s life, now
being the number one is good enough…
15. Polishing up a low class, barely educated
brother in exchange for a ring! The deal is
simple, you send your cleaner, gateman or
driver to night school, you give him language
lessons, you take him to buy some new clothes
and deodorant and teach him to call you honey
instead of madam and in exchange, he gets to
marry you, share an expensive bedroom and
never worry about his bills ever again!
16. Revamping yourself. Change your ward-
robe, lose 20kg, buy a truckload of brazilian
hair, study the karma-sutra, do a vaginoplasty
and change the age on your birth-certificate to
read 22. Botox, plastic surgery , a
compulsory gym membership and ‘body magic’
also indicated!
17. Becoming a worker in church! Rumour has
it that men go to church to marry, the same
rumour also reveals that ‘Greeters’, ‘Ushers’
and ‘Lead Soloists’ have the best exposure…
praise the Lord!
18. Moving to a new town or part of town so
that you are the ‘new girl’. This always peaks
the men’s interest and at the same time you get
to run away from your past and the ‘old maid’
labels! Combine this with number 16 above and
ooh la la!
19. Going for ‘deliverance’ from a spirit
husband and sowing a big ‘marriage’ seed in
church! Giving your possessions to the poor,
giving a sacrificial offering or just giving one
thing to God that would make you weep…
20. Abandoning your hopes, dreams and
ambitions! I’ve heard people say that women
looking for a prince charming live unrealistic
dreams, virgins are old-school, overly educated
women are proud, rich women are not
submissive, ambitious women are conceited,
women with demanding jobs won’t have time
for their families, women who want a faithful
man are deluded and women who don’t get
pregnant before wedlock have something wrong
with their plumbing! So forsake the masters,
don’t even dream of a PhD, quit your job , give
away all your money and surely a husband will
come… And if all else fails…
21. Marry a married man! He could be your
friend’s husband, your sister’s husband, your
cousin’s husband, your colleague’s husband,
even your mother’s husband if you like! Can
you blame these women? The average guy has
commitment phobia or is out to play till he is
all spent before he settles down or is waiting to
make his first ’5 million’ before saying ‘I do’.
Even a man with no future ambition or class,
much less finances still knows he could have
his pick of the best women out there, once he
announces he is looking to settle! The last
census showed a female-dominated
demographic with more women per eligible
bachelor. Family and society constantly put the
woman in hot water making her personal
successes irrelevant till she bags a man.
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