Five Ways to Turn Your Meet-Date into a Date-Date

You’ve come this far: You and your guy connected online, emailed a
few times, spoke on the phone and now it’s time for your “meet
date.” You are compatible in the virtual world. So far, so good. Now
it’s time to see how it goes in the real world.

The purpose of the meet date is not to learn a ton about each other
or make any decisions about whether you might have any kind of
future. It simply serves as a quick way to determine if you want to
want to get to know each other better. If you do, you go on a real
date.


As a Dating and Relationship Coach for Women over 40 , I encourage,
and sometimes practically shove my clients online because I know
this is the best place for singles to meet. It’s where I met my
husband, after all. Before our meet date here is what he said to me:
Let’s meet and if we don’t gross each other out we’ll go out again.
Yah…it’s kinda like that. (After more than seven years I still can’t
find anything gross about him.)

I know the ups and downs and ins and outs of internet dating. I know
what works and what doesn’t. Here are some of the tips, reminders
and techniques I give my coaching clients when they go on a meet
date with their online match. These tips help you assess whether you
want a “real date,” and, if you do, how to increase the chances that
it will happen.

#1 Have realistic expectations.
Stay positive in the belief that you will find your special man who will
rock your world. But also be realistic by remembering that the
majority of the men you meet won’t be The One. That means lots of
“nos” until you get to your final “yes.” When you manage your
expectations this way your level of disappointment drops
dramatically. That means you can have more fun and continue to get
practice so you’re ready for The One when you do meet him.


#2 Put your best foot forward.
Everyone has negative attributes and secrets; and everyone worries
about when to share them. The answer may be complex and depend
on the situation, but the sure thing is NOT to share them on the
meet date or often even the first date.
Divorce, family problems, jobs you hate, friends or other men who
have betrayed or disappointed you are off limits. If he asks or brings
it up himself, respond with one or two sentences of a positive nature
and sway the topic elsewhere. For example: “It was difficult at times,
but I learned a lot from that experience” or “Wow, we could talk
about that for hours! Let’s put that in the queue for next time…I’d
rather talk about your [travels; favorite movies, bands, or plays;
preferences in food; or cats vs. dogs...]”


#3 Talk about yourself.
Contrary to many women’s beliefs, it’s not his job to ask you a
bunch of questions. It’s up to you to help him learn about you. Be
sure to squeeze in what I call your “nuggets.” Nuggets are important
bits of information about you. What’s important to you, what is great
about you and what do you like to do in your life? Tell him who you
are by showing him your best self.

#4 Remember that you are strangers.
Until you spend time with him, you cannot know his character, his
values or how he would make you feel in a relationship.
Intuition and
chemistry are real, but they’re not reliable indicators of the
important elements of a long-lasting, adult relationship: trust,
respect, loving-kindness, etc. Keep your “reaction to attraction” and
intuition in check and lead with your intellect. It will lead you to
better decisions.


#5 Keep your eyes on the prize.
You’re looking for a good man with whom you can share a deep
connection, unconditional trust, mutual adoration and a lifetime of
happiness. Everything you do should be toward that end. That means
choosing long-term happiness over momentary pleasure. Don’t be
intimate too soon, and do give him the time and attention needed to
make a good and grownup choice.
Next time, in part two, I’ll tell you the #1 thing men look for in a
woman and how you can show him you’ve got it, along with the rest
of my juicy tips on how to turn your coffee date into a date-date.


There are thousands of quality men who want to date a woman just
like you…and they are online! Bobbi will give you the tools, tips and
support you need to get out of your rut, attract the right men and
ultimately meet the man who will love and adore you forever.

Elvis Emeafu